I wish I had had 20 more years with you. I wish I could have planned your 70th and 80th. So many of my wishes include you not being gone. I have to live with you in my memories and it is not any fun. I wish I would have really listened to you when you told me that you thought you would not be here long. I wish I would have rushed you to the doctor, even against your will. I wish I could change the past. I wish so bad I could change the past.

I hope your birthdays in heaven are more than they could be on earth. I hope you know how much we love you and how much our hearts wish that they could be with you again. I love you so much and miss you more every day that you are gone.

Missing my hero.

Why is it when you can no longer talk to those you love, you can think of a million things left unsaid. I always thought I would have tomorrow. My heart still sinks when I think about the truth. What I would give to to go back in time. Us all hanging out at Kim's house. Like the one Halloween when there was a strange lady running around the house. She acted like she knew me and for the life of me I had no idea who the hell she was. Or the day I gave Gus a bath and nearly blinded him for life when I got Dawn soap in his eye. Life would be easier if I had a rewind button.